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Grass Stains and Peanut Butter


That’s it…I’m waltzing back to kindergarten. Because today seems as good a day as any for all of us to retreat to a childhood safe place, where the sacred, pint-sized halls are filled with Lincoln logs, crayons, and leaking pants.

And listen, folks, if there has ever been a better moment to find the equilibrium of simpler times, it—is—now. A scenario when the wrath of an ongoing global pandemic could ever take a backseat to anything else is the specific moment that exactly nobody should ever be… ever.

As a parent, I often wonder what sort of impact these times will do in permanently altering a kid’s perception of their future selves – and so I naturally play the part of every irresponsible, overbearing parent and think the absolute worst of every version of worst-case scenarios.  But in the end, I am reminded that kids are far more resilient than we give them credit for because they are smart for their age and wise for my age.

And the older I get, the more it is realized that we generally over-complicate most stuff and overthink the remaining stuff. When we were young, it was a time when the only real job was to be a kid – with days filled with peanut butter, fruit roll-ups, and grass stains. Life sure seemed simpler back then.

Not to say life isn’t complicated for today’s 6-year-old, but 6-year-old eyes see the world through much clearer eyes because they should, until they are abruptly fogged by all the noise of their overthinking dads.

I know because I am an overthinking dad to my oldest daughter of that age. Today, she is stuck at home, playing pretend school because she doesn’t have real school. It is what it is, but it sucks for her and every other kid of any age everywhere. She also just virtually graduated from the weirdest kindergarten year in forever only to look forward to a summer filled with yet more of the “maybe they will” and “nobody really knows”.

And so along with the rest of the universe, my daughter’s school shifted from school buses to kitchen tables to the princess fort because that is where her current furry friends go. All stuffed and lined up ready for morning attendance only to realize that her actual attendance hasn’t been official for 3 months. But she pushes forward, with iPad on lap, clicking and swiping thru each day’s lesson plan while simultaneously making sure her little sister doesn’t eat too many glue sticks.

It’s all day, every pandemic day—day after day.

But that is life these days and to give you an honest assessment of where we are right now—on my good days—I literally wake up wondering how early in the morning it can be acceptable to eat tacos with no pants.

But moving on… today is a day where my competitive side prods and pokes into taking another full swing at kindergarten—Mostly because I refuse to believe my fullest potential was realized the first time around. Sure, I’m bigger, slower, and clumsier, but I have a much better shot against those little thumb-suckers now that I have 40+ years of jaded life experience on my side.  From duck-duck-goose to musical chairs, these past 12 weeks of quarantine has certainly honed our skills for playing hide-n-go seek with the rest of the world.

So, in accordance with the recommendation of our globally sanctioned, Meyer COVID task force, we have provided this pandemically adapted (CDC-suggested) resource to be fully implemented in the official, operation manual for workplace re-entry everywhere. (or nowhere).

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